Friendship...

I have always struggled with the concept of friendship...I never knew when the appropriate time was to call someone my friend. I never wanted to call someone my friend in fear that they wouldn't reciprocate the feelings. I still struggle with this concept today which can be very frustrating.

To me, a friend is someone that I can share everything with. There are not very many people that I trust with ALL of my secrets to.

A friend is someone that I can be myself around. I am very strange at times. I realize this! I like to be goofy. I like to be silly. I don't take a lot of things too seriously. I have realized in the past few years of traveling that I do have some control issues. I like things to be orderly and the way I like them. I just tell myself that I like to control the things I have control over (now would be a good time for me to insert a picture of my cupboards. Two shades of blue dishes....alternating....).

I have also realized that friends come and go. They enter your life at a particular time or season to strengthen you and then send you on your way. No one likes to see a friendship end especially on bad terms. We should not be offended if a friendship just fades away.....

I know that I can be a horrible friend. I know that I am selfish (I only like certain movies, certain foods, certain activities). I know that I gossip a little too much. I am horrible at keeping in contact with friends. I hate talking on the phone. I forget to respond to emails, texts, and Facebook messages/posts. I realize that my friendships may seem very one sided because of this....

I've also realized that I don't have to be everyone's friend and I don't have to like everyone. This is a very important life lesson that everyone should realize. Just because I don't like someone doesn't mean that I shouldn't be respectful....

I've also realized that some people don't see the humor in my husband's VERY dry jokes. Not everyone can appreciate his nerdy tendencies as much as I do! I love nerds! A lot of my "friendships" have been reevaluated in the past year because of how others treat my husband or act around him. Why do I want you in my life if you cannot accept and love him? I have met many friends' husbands and boyfriends. Some of them are real pieces of work..but you know what? You love them. I love them. As long as they don't beat the crap out of you, they are good people in my book and I will respect them and your relationship. Is it too much to ask the same in return?

A friendship is supportive no matter what. I wish that some of my "friendships" would allow me to be the person I am. I just with that I wouldn't dread some situations or groups of people that are supposed to be my friends. I wish that I was strong enough to enter these situations without leaving broken.

I wish that everyone would appreciate David for the warm loving, and nerdy guy that he is. He has such a genuine heart but most people don't realize this because they dismiss him so easily. Yes, he is outspoken but he does it out of love (I'm still struggling with this one too!). If you are rude to him in my presence, I really have no time for you. It's like people don't realize that I can see the look of horror when we approach them in public. Seriously? Is it that painful to visit with us?

These are just a few of my thoughts that have been running through my head. Not looking for any sort of resolution. Just wanted to write them down in hopes that I'll be able to have some clarity on some of my "friendships".