Where was I on 9/11/01??

I have the worst memory...but I remember that I was working at the U. S. Bank Service Center in Fargo. I had just started there in May. I was called into the cubicle of my manager along with a few other people. She told us that the twin towers had been hit. I'm assuming that this was around 9:00 or so because I don't believe that the Pentagon had been hit and the plan in PA had not crashed.

I don't remember if it was this day or another day that week but I went home for lunch. I was watching the news coverage. I did not want to go back to work. I wanted to stay home to watch the news coverage.

I remember feeling like it was unbelievable. It just didn't make sense.

I also remember what I felt on the 1 year anniversary. I remember having a feeling of, "we made it!" We made it through the first year without completely crumbling....

On the 10 year Anniversary, I reflect at how different my life is today than 10 years ago....some for the better and some for the worse...but I do feel like we made it.

United we Stand!

IVF: Update

For those of you that aren't my friends on Facebook or missed the post in between all of my Farmville Posts, here is the update on how our IVF went.

I went in for the retrieval on August 26th. See previous post about that here. Two of the embryos were biopsied on the 29th. Find that post here.

On the 30th, David and I left for Sioux Falls after work. We were trying to rush there to make it to Outback for supper. We ended up checking into our hotel and just running to McDs for a quick bite because we were both so exhausted.

The next morning we waiting around our hotel for the phone call about our two embryos. About 10 am (or so), we received the devastating news that one of our embryos had TCS and the other results came back "inconclusive". We found out later that the DNA evidence was not very clear. This could mean a few things a) the embryo wasn't growing as it should and would not be viable anyways, b) there were additional chromosomal issues (like down syndrome or something similar) or c) the biopsy was not sufficient and there wasn't enough tissue to test. Anyway you slice it, we were left feeling like we'd be blind sided and the doctors and the genetic counselor were feeling the same way. I had a perfect amount of folicles and eggs to harvest that we were all dumbfounded!

Where do we go from here? David and I had decided when we found out about the two embryos, that we would take some time off if things didn't work out this time around. We are thinking that we'll go through another cycle sometime in 2012. We both agree that we'd be playing with fire if we try to do this again January-May because of the snow! If this wasn't a time sensitive thing, I'd probably sign up to do this 1/1/12! But we cannot take the risk of getting hit with a huge blizzard and not being able to drive to get my eggs harvested!

Emotionally we felt blindsided. We are doing well as can be considered. I'm definitely more clingy than normal! David says I need to find a friend or a hobby. :) Haha! David is frustrated about the financial aspect (no surprise there!).

Financially speaking...we aren't quite sure how we are sitting right now....we were NOT planning on having to do more than one cycle because we do not have fertility issues. We got our first bill which was about $4000 less than anticipated and that was prior to submitting to insurance. We are PRAYING that this is the only charge. I'm sure it's not but I'm trying to remain positive! Please pray that they bundle their charges!!!! I called the business office and I don't think they knew what I meant by "bundled charges". Why am I such an insurance nerd??

Two Embryos Biopsied!!

Just got a call from Sioux Falls! 2 of our embryos were biopsied!!! Please pray VERY HARD that both of them are free of TCS!!!

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 2nd Anniversary! We have had some ups...and some downs...not to mention this crazy journey of fertility treatments!

I love my husband so much. He is so amazingly handsome! He is my rock! I cannot imagine my life without him!

Here is a picture of us on our wedding day! Not one of my faves but its one of the only ones I have on this computer!

Egg Retrieval

I had the egg retrieval on Friday (8/26). We were at the surgical tower at about 5:30 am. I got to chill out in my pre-op room until about 6:45 when they took me upstairs to the operating room. I had a spinal which is the strangest feeling in the entire world. They were very happy with how it went!

The procedure was strange too. I, obviously, couldn't feel anything from the waist down. During the procedure, I kept feeling like I was shaking. Come to find out that I was! It was the doctor working on the retrieval! So strange. I had an awesome CNA who talked to me the entire time.

I was back up to the recovery room at about 7:45 am. So it really was a quick procedure. I felt sick about 8:00. At first I thought I was hungry but my blood pressure dropped pretty low and I almost threw up. Not a good feeling. I was FREEZING! They ended up putting those blankets that you see in trauma scenes on tv. Like the aluminum foil ones and then they pumped it with hot air.

I think I was down to my post-op room (which was the same as my pre-op room) about 9 am. They nurse said (and I quote), "Oh the spinal should wear off in an hour)...I made David tickle my arm as I drifted in and out of sleep. 10 am. Yep, still can't feel my legs. 11 am, yep still can't feel my legs. I had some crackers and jello. Who knew that jello would be so satisfying on an empty stomach?? It really hit the spot.

12 pm, I could feel my legs and move them but I still couldn't move my hips. The nurse had already drawn up my discharge papers at 11 am! Oops! Finally they came in about 12:15 and basically forced me to get up out of bed to try to go to the bathroom. I think my butt was starting to fall asleep from laying there so long so it was a good thing they did! About 1 pm we were on our way over to the clinic to get some further instructions from the fertility clinic.

I think I was back at the hotel by 2 pm. David and I napped until 6 pm. He took off for home when Marie and Heather got there about 7 pm. It was really hard for him to leave. I just wanted him to get home already so I didn't have to worry about him driving by himself.

I feel much better today. My bum is a little sore as my progesterone shot didn't go so well on Saturday night. We now realized the importance of icing the site prior to the injection. Oops! It served me right as I was being a total jerk to David.

Now we wait to see how many eggs fertilized. On Saturday, only two had fertilized which an additional 2 being immature. They were going to continue to watch those 2 to see if they grew. We're not working with very good odds but I am trying to remain positive.

Today they will biopsy the eggs if they fertilized. We won't find out until Wednesday if any of them are "TCS-Free". This means that we still have to travel to Sioux Falls tomorrow night. I am praying boldly that all 4 embryos have grown and none of them have TCS. I don't ever want to have to go through the retrieval process again.

Now I know!

I now know why they sedate you when they retrieve the eggs!

I've been home from the clinic for about 90 minutes. The procedure went well. I didn't really know what to expect but it was different than what I was expected. It was in the operating room. The doctor, nurse, anesthesiologist, and radiology tech were in the room with me. My entire body shook when they stuck the needle into the cyst. There was a lot of cramping. I cannot imagine having to do that for EACH egg! Imagine 15, 20, or even 30 pokes with a NEEDLE at your ovaries! Geez!

A few weeks ago at church, the sermon was based on Psalm 1:1-3: 1. Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. 2. But his delight is in the law of the Lord, and on his law he meditates day and night. 3. He is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in seasons and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers. After reading that, Pastor Dude asked the congregation what kind of life we thought this meant. I immediately thought fulfilled. Resting in the realization that my Lord is with me always makes me feel fulfilled. Having the friends and family that I do makes me feel fulfilled. But what isn't this enough sometimes? I think we get in our own ways. It is easy to wallow in self pity or to become excited about those things that really don't matter.

At the end of the service, we sang "It is well with my soul". Scarlett provided a brief history of the songwriter and I actually did some additional research on him. The songwriter, Horatio Spafford, suffered many loses through out his life. His only son died at age four in 1871. During the Great Chicago Fire, he lost most of his possessions and money. In 1873, his family planned a trip to Europe. He sent his wife and four daugters ahead of him. The ship they were traveling on was hit and sank quickly killing all four daughters. His wife sent a telegram saying, "Saved alone."

This version of the song is sung by Christ Rice, one of my favorite Christian singers, In the grand scheme of things, what David and I have been through in the last few days is nothing compared to losing all of our children in a span of 2 years. Many have suffered before us. Many will suffer after us. Resting in the arms of Jesus is the only glimpse of hope that we can rely on. It is through Him that we will have a fulfilled life.

Prayers for a fulfilled life for each and every one of you....

It is will with my soul!

Blessings in disguise??

We found out this morning that I have a cyst on my ovary. It was not there 2 months ago when I had my saline sonogram. It is most likely a little ball of hormones. I go in on Monday morning to have it aspirated.

At this point, this little bugger may or may not delay our IVF. They will know more once they do the aspiration. I am so discouraged right now!

It really goes to show me that I know my body. I had been feeling sort of "off" the last few days. Just uncomfortable but I chopped it up to the lupron medication. Yesterday, I felt like I had gas or was constipated but I knew I wasn't. I kept thinking it was odd but was reassuring myself that I was just having period like symptoms but added this to the list of questions to ask today at my appointment.

Laura Story's Blessings is on REPEAT!!!