Updaate

It has been so long since I've written and I'm not sure if a blog is the right way to go about this because Facebook and other forms of Social Media have seemed to take over our lives. I like the idea of a blog but I'm not that good at keeping it up. I keep thinking that maybe I'll be better at it once I have something "worth" blogging about… kids, travel, etc. I'm not so sure. Sometimes I wonder if I should turn it into a Creative Memories Project blog now that I've caught the digital scrapbooking bug! I guess I'll have to play it by ear!

 

Here is an update on our last IVF cycle:

 

• I survived giving myself five shots/day for a week while traveling to/from Arkansas for work! My stomach looked awfully gross with all the bruises I gave myself. David is much better at hitting the same area than I was, which really minimized the bruises.
• I tried acupuncture, which I feel really made a difference in how I felt overall.
• I had minimal headaches from the drugs but other than that I didn't have any side effects.
• I had NO CYSTS!
• David was my rock and support as always.
• My retrieval went well. I had almost no pain afterwards - still in shock over this!
• We retrieved I think 12 eggs. Four of those eggs fertilized. Of those four embryos, three had TCS and 1 did not. The most exciting part of that was that the one that didn't have TCS was an "A" quality embryo.
• We transferred that one embryo on July 9th, 2012. 
• We cried as we left the hospital.
• I had the most relaxing acupuncture session after the transfer. They turned off the lights. I had David turn off my hearing aid and take it out. I think I even snoozed for a bit.
• My two days of bed rest were long...and somewhat boring.
• On Friday the 13th, I started to spot. My nurse told me to just watch it but there really wasn't anything they could do.
• On Saturday the 14th, I ran two errands which proved to be too much for my body. I started spotting like I was having my period. I never knew a run to the pharmacy would take so much out of a person.
• I was still spotting pretty good on Sunday the 15th and called my nurse. She said again that there was not anything they could do. I could take my pregnancy test early if I wanted to or just wait it out. We decided to wait it out because I didn't want to get a false positive and then be upset if it wasn't positive.
• I continued to spot that entire week.
• On Friday the 20th, I took my pregnancy test. There were several awkward exchanges between the nurses and I...they were SO EXCITED for me that I was taking my pregnancy test. Because I work with the doctor in Sioux Falls, the nurses in Fargo had no idea what I was going through (the spotting).
• We received a call on Friday afternoon that our pregnancy test was negative....

 

I don't remember what we did the next several days...I seem to remember that we had something planned that evening? I remember us talking in the car about our next steps. Where were we going??? I have no idea....

 

Now what? On July 27th, David and I met with a social worker for Lutheran Social Services/The Village Adoption Option. While sitting there, David and I both thought "wow...it's only been a week..." After that visit, we both decided that adoption was an option, but we needed to allow ourselves time to grieve and process what had happened.

 

Through this process we realized that we handle our grief differently. I cling to David. I don't want him to leave my side. I torture him by making him watch reality TV and my other “crap TV” shows. He finally had to tell me that although he wants to be there for me, he needs his time alone with his video games to truly process things. He grieves by losing himself in games and I grieve by losing myself in reality TV. What a pair!

 

On Friday, August 17th, I drove to The Village in Fargo and submitted our application. This is the first step to the adoption process… a process that can take 1-2 years. 

We have adoption training in Minneapolis the end of October.  After the training, we will begin the assessment process, which will include a home study. 

We thank you all for your prayers and well wishes throughout our process.  Your support has really helped us through and kept us strong. 

Photo A Day Challenge - June 2nd

I only took one photo yesterday. The assignment was something shiny. I took a picture of my wedding ring because I just went in for my 6 month warranty check. They always clean it up really nicely and it sparkles so much!!

Photo Challenges - June 1

I'm trying to do three or four photo challenges. Two of the assignments for today were a self-portrait.

The third challenge was my life. David is my life. We love the song Marry Me by Train. Today and everyday I would marry that man.

The last one was morning. I didn't take a pic this morning.

Hoping I can keep this up but I cannot make any promises.

Some people have no clue...

Some people have NO clue what it is like to struggle with infertility.  Yeah.  True.  I'm not technically infertile but David and I are struggling to start our family just as other couples/women/men do.  Yes, we probably don't truely get it either. 

I've realized in the past week that so many people just don't get it.  They don't understand that certain conversations rip our hearts out of our chests but we put on a happy face. 

People don't realize how isolating this it is.  We want to share in your joy but sometimes we just don't wanna. 

Even those women who were once struggling to start their family but now have a child or two (or three or four or...) FORGET the struggle.  I imagine it just like the pain during childbirth.  You soon forget how bad it really was as soon as that beautiful baby is in your arms.  This one I find particularily hard to understand....

I've been pretty open with our journey and somedays I regret this.  I'm someone who will complain.  I sometimes "foam at the mouth" with my negativity.  Sometimes I want to suffer or grieve alone. 

Not sure I know what the right answer is because everyone will repsond differently and there really isn't any way to know what makes them sad about this issue.  I just wish people would get a clue....

Flower

I rejoice the days the my iris plants are coming in! This summer I am hoping to expand my garden but first I meds to figure out the perfect location for my hydrangeas.

Here are my beautiful iris plants.

Someone who makes me happy

#PHOTOADAYAPRIL

He makes me happy. What can I say?!?

Reflection - April 1

I'm trying that photos a day challenge again for April. April 1st was reflection. I like to dress goofy when I'm at home working. On Monday, I wore leggings, Christmas shorts, tank top, hoodie, and socks. David was super embarrassed of me! LOL. I had fun.

Today is leggings, nightgown, socks, pink fuzzy slippers, and an athletic/workout jacket. I'm sexy and I know it. I work out.